haven’t written in about three months.. oops? I’ve been so busy with everything. trying to fit in seeing my friends, family, school stuff, trying to find a job…and a new beau. none of which has gone the way I was hoping it would but oh well- that’s life, right? my birthday week was a complete blast, and I couldn’t thank all my friends more for going to my party. well, lets seeee… what could I rant about. possibly something that’s been bothering me for a while now? OH! a certain someone from my past has decided to show his face lately.. which has only confused me more than I’ve ever been confused in my entire life. I don’t exactly know how I feel about the situations that I’ve only put MYSELF into, but I do know that they’ve made my mind be completely boggled. I’ve spent the last week with this human, everyday. sleeping over his house and whatnot. but I don’t exactly know if there’s anything on his side of the spectrum that he’s just not wanting to tell. I will admit, I do like him. but hey, we were together for a long time back in the day… feelings like that, your first love, don’t just go away. I hate when things go so good, then something has to come along and make them SO SO SO bad, and awkward. I hate when things get awkward. I seem to always fall way to quick and over-analyze things way too much. I need to stop doing that :/
on another note, tomorrow IS a new day.. it is also the first wrestling match of the year :D yahoo! which, I will be attending!
I’m crossing my fingers that I will have enough strength to ask him to hang out tomorrow. just me and him. maybe something else will happen that will lead me more positive, than negative.
I need to stop being so damn pessimistic.
It hurts more when you know you can’t give up but you have no choice but do so. It hurts worse knowing that the moment you leave, you’ll be torn into pieces bleeding yourself dry, while they walk away and move on, unaffected by your goodbyes.
Bad: Getting a tick bite in your arm.
Worse: Not having tweezers to pull it out, so settling for using your teeth to grab the tick and yank until its body rips off.
Worst: Deciding that you need to “burn the head out”… by repeatedly mashing a lit cigarette into your skin, leading to a skin…
Hahahahaha!!